For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
