Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
