Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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