when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
