I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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