If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
