I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
