Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
