Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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