You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
