Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
