I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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