If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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