just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
someone owes me an orgasm
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
