I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
