u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
