I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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