I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
