so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
