Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize