would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
