Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
