wrigley field is MILF paradise
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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