We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
