i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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