You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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