Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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