Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
