So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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