I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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