Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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