you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
