Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
