I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
