Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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