Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
