i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
