Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
