You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
