you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
