Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
