Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
