I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
