I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
