At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
