Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
