Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
