forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
