Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
