so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
