from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
