dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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