"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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