What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
