Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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