if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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