Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
