I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
