I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
