whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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