Fine. I'll sleep in my office
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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