3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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