Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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