Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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