Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
